Public Speaking

25 Jun 2018 | Personal Development, Professional Development

I’ve been having conflicting throughts about public speaking recently. Last week I was asked to be filmed as part of a promotional video for work about one of my projects. Last month I was in a video for Code for America about employees in “public interest technology” that was shown on the main stage at the CfA Summit. I was also the Data + Donuts speaker for May and presented about a work projects.

I had a little bit of experience being on stage when I was in high school because I played the erhu. My teacher was a performer who felt the best way for her students to improve was to force them to perform on stage. So, I performed at school, at local events, at community/senior centers, etc. I’ve also performed as part of Chinese orchestras. All that experience helped me get over my initial shyness over being in front of a crowd.

Fast forward though college and several years of work and I hadn’t really needed to be in front of a crowd. It wasn’t until I joined the Hack For LA core leadership team and we started hosting hack nights in 2016, that I ever even needed to speak in front of a group. In the past, performing did not require I speak and introduce myself. The emcee did that. So now all of a sudden, I would occasionally need to lead hack nights. It wasn’t too bad because it was only around 20 people, and I chat with them before and after so they’re not complete strangers.

Around the same time at work, we started doing presentations to other departments. These were scripted, with PowerPoint slides and everything. I’d get super anxious, trying to remember what to say and how to say it. I wanted to make a good impression of myself, my team, our project, and my department. That’s a lot of pressure!

Fast forward again to this year. I gave was the Data + Donuts speaker for May. It was my first time doing a presentation in front of a public audience! I was nervious, anxious, all the -iouses I could be, staying up until 2am the night before prepping for my talk. It went well, no major hiccups. I was able to answer several questions without blanking. People even came up and talked to me after, which I consider to be a success in connecting useful information to the audience. My friends and coworkers who observed my presentation said I did a great job and they loved my slides.

I was asked to be in a CfA video about “public interest technology” workers to be shown at the CfA Summit. The videographer called me a natural, which certainly bumped up my ego a notch. Of course, I then mentally dismissed what he said as just a niceity meant to make me feel better about myself. I reinforced that thought when the final video came out and I found so many faults with myself. What did I even expect with that first video - that I would be perfect the first time I ever had to speak into a recording camera? At Summit, after the video played, there were a couple people who specifically came to find me. Some random people I talked to said I looked familiar and realized it was because of the video. All-in-all, it was pretty cool.

Last week I was asked to be in a video about one of my projects. We went through several takes with many adjustments, but I was noticeably not as anxious as the other guy they were filming. My coworkers and even my Division Chief called me a natural. I wanted to say NO - I’ve just had some experience doing public speaking and being on camera. But I figured that might make me sound like a prick so I just said ‘Thank You’.

In light of all these recent opportunities, I started wondering about public speaking as a skillset that I’ve always felt compelled to improve at. Specifically - why have I felt compelled to be good at public speaking, and is it necessary? Plenty of people (like the coworkers I’m surrounded by) never do ANY public speaking that I can tell. Why do I put myself through all the anxiety and fear of humiliating myself? Could I not just decide that I don’t like it and don’t want to do it, then refuse all offers to speak and still be considered normal? Could I just get over my over-achieving self and accept that I didn’t have to be good at EVERYTHING?

I talked to Lawrence about all this, as I usually do. He said he thought I WAS a natural at public speaking. Everyone gets anxious, so that’s not a good indicator. According to him, the fact that I’ve been able to take it on and improve on my skills in such a short time so that people have started complimenting me is proof of that. As for why it’s necessary, he pointed out that the skills that make you good at public speaking also translate into skills needed to transition into management. Thus, being good at public speaking IS useful if I see my career path moving towards management.

It’s a lot to get comfortable with, and I’m still going through the process.