16 Jan 2018 |
Life
Two weeks in, and I’ve got some [obvious?] insight into where I stand with my goals. Are they too much, too little? Am I being lazy or did I overcommit myself? Note: I’m working on not using weak language, especially when it comes to writing/talking about myself (can, may, seem, think, try, believe, just, qualifier words, etc.)
Weight loss - My original hope to not have any cheat days is unrealistic, especially if I still want to go out with friends. Sticking to 1-2 cheat days per week will be doable. Depending on circumstances, I intend to only cheat when the situation calls for it, and to really consider the cost/benefit. Last weekend it was a baby shower where there was cake, and then having a friend over and drinking wine. This weekend it was drinks and then visiting the new LA Eataly. This will cause my weight to oscillate, and the tinge of disappointment when seeing the scale go back up will be unavoidable. This morning I weighed in at 173, up from my low of 171 last week, but still continuing the downward trend. I’m preparing for the inevitibility of a slowdown since this is all water weight anyway.
Bike ride - I couldn’t bring myself to do a solo ride. I spent my time playing video games instead. At least I made a plan with Amy for next Sunday. Next month needs to be carefully planned or else the Japan trip will kill this goal for February. Potential destinations for future rides include Eataly (via Culver City, and through Cheviot Hills on Motor Ave.), Cluck2Go near PCC, the Santa Anita Mall.
Vacation - Q1 is already good. Tickets & a room for Portland still need to be bought and I’ll remind Lawrence of that.
Read - I switched up the goal from every 2 months to every month. Whether that’s a good idea is yet to be seen. For all the list compiling I did using the books already sitting on my shelves, I ended up going with an LAPL ebook that was available through Libby, an app from OverDrive with a cleaner and simpler interface. This goal is tricky. Do I go with what I want, or what I think I should read?
Japanese - I’ve focused a lot on this goal. Having a hard deadline with real consequences (being IN Japan) helps. I’ve got ~90% recognition for hiragana & katakana. It’s higher if I’m actually concentrating. Writing the characters in the JA Sensei app, and in the physical workbook I bought, have helped immensely. That in turn has helped me progress through the lessons in Duolingo. The Duolingo Japanese course is flawed (and it’s still in Beta) but viewing the user comments helps. Sentence structure is easy to follow, but particle usage is confusing. Duolingo doesn’t do much to clarify what situations require which words, positive vs negative structures, or what the various verb forms are. Ex. arimasu vs arimasen, desu vs dewa. The practical goals to reach in time for the trip are: be able to read hiragana/katakana/common kanji, be able to understand the general meaning of common spoken phrases.
Low carb with 1 cheat day - I’m nixing this.
Blogging - Successful so far. A simple publishing process and no customization options (without coding) helps a lot. I like logging my thoughts and getting practice writing. Thoughts on future specifics - doing a morning “brain dump” journal, posting about keto recipes, posting crafting updates.
Drink water - Good on weekdays, not so much on days I’m not sitting at my cubicle.
Floss daily - Total failure. Once in the last 2 weeks. I had a dental cleaning yesterday, making it an excellent point to start taking this one seriously.
Daily workout - Total failure as well. I started last week, but only did 2 days. I’d like to take this one seriously, but the quick and easy nature of it feels like it would be pointless. I got sore, which was surprising for a <10 minute workout. The barriers I have to doing this are frustrating - I’ll sweat, which means more days with greasy hair before I can wash it (because of the dyed color); the dirty floor I have to stare at, roll around on, and breathe in; no open space for exercise except in the hallway or next to Amy’s bed; feelings of awkwardness exercising in front of Lawrence and Amy while they’re doing other things.
Udemy course? - I’ve got several bookmarked. They go on sale often and at a deep discount, but I haven’t bought any yet. I don’t foresee this happening until later in the year.
SMART weight loss
I printed out two differnet worksheets, but I haven’t done this for any of my goals yet. Starting with weight loss…
Goal: I will lose 40 lbs by December 31, 2018 by maintaining a ketogenic diet.
Importance: Losing 40 lbs will allow me to further challenge myself physically. It will make a trans-America bike tour more feasible by reducing the biggest weight on my bike (me!). Other goals include, fitting into clothes I own but am currently too big for, improving my sex life, taking a proactive approach to being health in middle-age, and prioritizing caring for and loving myself.
Specific: Yes. I will prep most of my meals for the week. Cheat days, if any, are restricted to the weekend. I spent the last few months making it a habit to cook at home so it’s been an easy transition to prep diet-friendly meals. I’m experimenting with alternative flours/sugars so that I can satisfy my love of crackers, breads, and sweets. I’ve signed up for Imperfect Produce to get vegetables delivered. I’m exploring bulk ingredient buying options so that all the protein I need doesn’t break the bank. My calculated macro targets are 5% carbs, 25% protein, and 70% fat at a ~25% caloric deficit.
Measurable: Yes, there is a measurable number that will indicate progress. I weigh myself every day.
Achievable: Yes. I’ve been on a ketogenic diet before and I know it works for me. Losing 3.33 lbs a month is feasible. It comes out to less than 1 lb a week. I have several methods to break through plateaus. I can increase my calorie expenditure by biking more/harder, incorporating HIIT running, register for a gym and start weightlifting again. I can decrease my calorie intake by doing Intermittent Fasting or food logging to reduce caloric (fat) intake.
Relevant: Yes, this will improve my life all around even though my self-confidence is already in a better place than before.
Time-bound: Yes.
Potential problems: Events that interrupte my daily routine, major life events/changes, vacations, stress and overwork leading to lack of motivation. Eating out with family and friends, socializing with the expectation to drink alcohol. Getting sick. Injuring myself.
Milestones & Rewards:
- Lose 10 lbs by 3/31/18. Treat self to bicycling gear.
- Lose 20 lbs by 6/30/18. Treat self to jewelry.
- Lose 30 lbs by 9/30/18. Treat self to a weekend vacation.
- Lose 40 lbs by 12/31/18. Treat self to a 2-week international vacation in 2019.
Theme for 2018: Self-Care
Most of my goals are related to self-care. Some of them have been goals in the past, an indicator that I’ve had issues with spending time and energy taking care of myself.
11 Jan 2018 |
Life
I haven’t made any goals related to crafting or hobbies. That was a deliberate choice. I spent a LOT of time on hobbies last year… handwriting drills with a fountain pen, brush pen calligraphy, dip nib calligraphy, bullet journaling, knitting, cross stitch, embroidery. Apparently I don’t need additional motivation to pursue hobbies!
I do like the idea of a monthly project to learn techniques. The problem is that I currently have several cross stitch projects in my queue that are either gifts for others or for myself, and I’ve found that it doesn’t lend itself well to rushing given the quality level I want to produce. The 2 big issues I come across when trying to optimize my cross stitching speed are:
- The thread twists and so stitch coverage is poor. Instead of the strands laying side by side to be flat and provide maximum coverage over the fabric, they’re twisted together so they’re lumpy and cover less space. The stitching motion naturally introduces twist with each sitch, so the solution is to periodically un-twist the thread.
- Possibly due to twisting, the threads do not pull through the fabric at the same rate, causing an extra loop of thread sticking out on a stitch. This causes the thread ends to be uneven, making it difficult to thread the needle’s eye as well as creating uneven shapes because that loop of thread is not flush against the fabric. The solution to this is “railroading”, or passing the needle between both threads before stitching into the fabric. Some people are fine with only railroading the top half of the stitch, but currently I am testing out the results from railroading both halves.
That’s not to say I won’t set goals for myself with my hobbies. The things I do want to do include:
- Finishing the Spencerian handwriting worksheets.
- Producing frameable brush pen and dip nib calligraphy.
- Sewing clothing for myself that fits well.
These could fit nicely into a monthly goal series. I’d just have to pick up high quality paper and potentially fabric/thread. I’ve already got the worksheets printed out, last year I practiced a lot of calligraphy, and then I have a stockpile of sewing patterns I’ve been meaning to attempt. As a secondary priority though, I’d like to get my major goals sorted out first.
11 Jan 2018 |
Professional Development
This week I had a phone call at work that involved a manager from a different department. I need to write about this interaction so that I can recall it in the future.
This call was about a survey my team had sent to all departments to ask for their feedback on standard definitions of data fields collected by the application we had built. The goal was to ensure that everyone is on the same page about what the data within the application refers to.
I wouldn’t say that she was irate or rude… she was intent on her position and did not want to compromise. She started by saying she “didn’t understand” why we did something. When I explained why, she defaulted to saying that we shouldn’t have done that, we should have done things a different way, and that THIS was probably above my level and she needs to speak to my boss or even the boss above him.
I think I was more anxious about the possibility of the conversation turning confrontational than I was about the actual conversation going on. I tried to respond directly to her questions with the extent of knowledge that I had. I tried to stay calm and empathetic when she voiced her concerns. I felt that I was perfectly cordial when she requested to speak to my bosses.
Ultimately, there was nothing I could do except take the beating. She came into the conversation with the intent of accusing us of doing our work wrong and I couldn’t dissuade her from that. All I could do was understand what her perspective was, try to not make the situation worse, and then give my bosses a heads up.
08 Jan 2018 |
Life
Week 1 Recap (Jan 1-7)
I stayed on keto for most of the week. I’ve been using LifeSum to track food, weight, and exercise. I could test out other apps - MyFitnessPal and LoseIt - but I don’t think their free tiers give me all the features I want either. I like LifeSum’s interface, but I wish the food was a little more standardized. The free tier only breaks down nutrients at the macro level and it only tracks waist measurements. I can always track measurements separately in the Google Doc I’m maintaining, but eventually the lack of sodium, potassium, and magnesium details may be an issue. I haven’t even taken advantage of the custom food creation capability either. Once I get more consistent about tracking recipes and measuring portions, I’ll be able to break down the nutrition values and enter all of them into the system. I tried to keep to the diet over the weekend, but I had cake at a baby shower on Saturday and then 3 glasses of red wine with a friend on Sunday. The key to eating throughout the week is to take the time to bulk cook foods so that I can quickly portion them. I’ve been good about eating vegetables this time around on keto. My difficulty has actually been with getting enough protein.
Exercise has been spotty. I’m taking it gradually as I already get in 30 minutes of biking per day if I ride to and from work. As it gets closer to summer, I’d like to ride another 30 minutes after work. Other options include yoga, running, and body weight workouts. I’ve installed several different apps so now I just need to try them out until I find one I will stick to. I’d like to utilize lunch time as well, maybe with 30 minutes of walking?
I’m optimistic about doing a 50 mile ride this coming weekend. On Sunday, we cleaned the apartment, making me feel like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. There’s still more to be done, but I don’t feel like I’m avoiding responsibilities anymore.
Planning for our trip to Japan has been slow. We’d like to take care of booking the rooms by tonight. I’m fairly happy with the progress I’ve made so far on memorizing katakana and hiragana. I may be overextending myself by writing in addition to reading, but I find that it helps with the memorization. I’m going to throw in vocabulary eventually too.
Goals are still being tweaked. I haven’t decided on a book to read yet! I sense that I need to just pick something or else I’ll be stuck at analysis paralysis, trying to optimize my choice. An idea to make it easier: just create a list of 10 books that I can pick from! I’d also like to define rewards for achieving my goals, not only would it be good positive reinforcement, I feel it’s a good
way to practice self love.
04 Jan 2018 |
Life
For a non-spiritual Atheist and science-based thinker, I’ve long been fascinated by divination. While I don’t think there is any sort of divine or universal power driving it, I rationalize its value as an associative trigger for the brain. In that struggle between what we think we should do, what we think we want to do, and what we don’t know we want to do… I believe that cleromancy techniques can help bring our thoughts to the forefront. It won’t tell us anything we don’t know, but like other creative activities it can help break our normal thought patterns to create new neural pathways.
This brings to mind the Radiolab episode, On Repeat, in which a woman suffering from transient global amnesia relives the same 90 seconds over and over again. It begs the question of how much free will or even consciousness we have if the reality is that our thoughts and actions are reproducable given the exact same parameters. Of course normal life has an infinite amount of variables that create different situations for us so that we don’t actually live on repeat, but are we merely a complex algorithmic response to a large number of environmental inputs? As a computer scientist, the thought is not so far fetched for me. AI may be in its early stages, but I can very much imagine that our brains are just computers of exponentially more complexity than digital machines.
Anyway, all that to say that I’ve always been interested in card reading and fortune telling. As a child (even while atheist) I spent time studying Taoism and using the I Ching. Astrology is too rigid for me, I like the variability and randomness provided by card draws and dice rolls. I like that the results are open to interpretation and you have to work at it to find a meaning that makes sense to you. There are some beautiful cartomancy phone apps that I’ve found, although their UX design tends to need some work. Labyrinthos Academy and Golden Thread Tarot are from the same creators and both focus on the classic tarot deck. Seventh Sphere is simple and has great graphics as well, and uses the Lenormand deck.
The daily spreads have been interesting, and I’m usually able to find a meaning that reflects on what I’m going through. Today’s Lenormand reading gave me the Moon and the Ring. The Moon represents the subconcious and the intuition, hidden emotions, fears, desires, and fantasies, the opposite of the logic and truth that comes from our rational minds. The Ring represents commitments, binding connections, linking two things together, and cyclic events. It applies to people, organizations, ideas, or values in love, business, and everything in between. With these cards combined, my I reflected on how I tend to go overboard with setting goals. There is so much I want to commit to, attend, do, not do. Some of those things come out of a rational thought that it’s something I “should” do. Some things reflect my hidden fears and fantasies. Whatever the source, I should think deeply about my commitments or else risk repeating the mistakes of the past and thus set myself up for disappointment. I originally wrote ‘failure’ but realized that it’s not failure I should fear, its regret.